Friday, 6 January 2017

I'LL ALWAYS HAVE A THING FOR YOU.

I was always there,
But you never seemed to care.
Though you didn't say you chose him over me,
Its obvious from all the things I see.
You're present,
But your mind was beyond distant.
You said we're okay,
But you pushed me further day after day.
I like you I really do,
But I like me too.
It hurts ditching you,
but it hurts even more being around you.
And though its hell to savor,
I'll do you one last favor.
I'll abandon everything that we've built,
So you go on, live without guilt.
I won't lie, It hurts like hell that you chose him over me.
Yes, whatever you call it, you still replaced me.
You do everything we used to do together with him.
You make time for him.
You leave me alone,
knowing full well I hate being alone.
Don't tell me not to feel all this,
coz I can feel nothing but this.
I can't be fine with it,
I wont ever be okay with it.
But I know I have to let go,
and I will do so.

Sunday, 1 January 2017

FAILED.

So much for my new year's resolution. Not even 24 hours into the new year and I'm already reverting back to my old self again. Old habits sure die hard.

Saturday, 31 December 2016

when it comes to you, I’m weak. I couldn’t say no. I can never say no to you. We fell apart and I can’t say that I’m left mystified because I knew that it would happen. That’s just what loving you is. It’s an incredible high followed by the comedown. Just as I expected, I still struggle to let you go.

Where did that strong, independent person who I was when I met you go? In many ways you are just like a drug – never really caring for me and yet I would cast everything aside, including all rational thought, just to be with you. How did I become reduced to an addict?

I keep holding on. I keep telling myself things will get better, that you do care about me. I tell myself that you have a hard time showing affection. I tell myself that you show you care about me in different ways, even though I’m not entirely sure what those ways are. I keep twisting things in my head because I didn’t want to accept not having you in my life.

Monday, 26 December 2016

When someone you thought would always choose you, being replaced hurts twice as being rejected. It just ruins you. It breaks you apart – trust, belief, self-worth and even morals. You could never look at the person or love the same way again. You will always doubt and be scared and never be out there, like totally out there

You will actually pray you will forget everything and re-start to the time you didn’t know that person or to that time that person’s existence didn’t mean anything to you.

You get this perception in your minds that you miss the person you're close with, but it’s the idea of them that gives you the heartache. It is rather the things you connect them with and the little things that have etched themselves into you.

You lose them everytime you think of them. You lose them again doing things you used to do together. All day you lose them. At night, thoughts of what once were lul you to sleep. In the morning you wake up, and you start losing them again. You're way past broken. But you keep it in because, the one person you wanted to care, doesn't.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

FIGURES.

12.30 AM
23rd DEC 2016

Half an hour past midnight.
No birthday wishes from family, best friends, friends, no nothing.
Literally nobody rushed to be the first person to wish me a happy birthday.
Not that I expected any from anyone.
Just didn't expect to feel this bad either.
I have literally no impact in anyone's life.
Insignificant to just about everyone.
I'm Insignificant as fcuk.



Okay 😕