Wednesday, 28 December 2011

23 !!

23rd of DECEMBER,,
the day i officially turned 18,,
now i'm legal according to the law,,
the age of majority,, (ecceeyyy,, bbual lawyer lak bdk ny.. :P)

Azuhairi was the first one to wish me a happy birthday that night,,
(i called him on his cue,, but yeahh,, thats what best friends do.. :)..)
then Aizuddin did too with this,, which was really sweet so to say.. hahahahh..

the next day,,
i know some of my UiTM friends planned a "surprised birthday party" for me the night before..
but i casually said,, "i'm gonna be busy.." so to avoid unexpected events.. hahahah.. :P
at 8pm i got off the bus at larkin,, solat,, n guess who i met..??
my twin,, Aizuddin..!! hahahha..
nahhhh.. we've actually planned to meet up at that exact point in time..
hehehh.. he wanted to blanje me mkn pizza..!!
that was the plan anyway..
but we switched to chicken chop at Hutan Bandar..
then Aizuddin told me to call my big bro,, Azuhairi,, to come too..

chicken chop.. :P

Azu actually just finished transferring his family's stuff to their new house (they moved houses)..
i could tell he was really tired,, he said his body ached all over,,
i know that Azu actually had a futsal meet that night,, but he did'nt go..
he actually said to his mom,, "nahhh,, futsal later,, Nash called twice..!"
without any fuss or hassle he came to meet us..
Azu missing his futsal game to meet us is a heck of a great big deal..!!
he would'nt miss futsal just for anyone..!!
(a best friend rather hang with you even if he has better places to go to..)
(Azuhairi Bin Adnan u really are my greatest friend in the whole wide world..!! ^^)

so we chat while eating,,
a lot has been going on with all of us while we're away,, :)..
o yeah,, Aizuddin got a cgpa of 3.67..!!
that's just above me..!! hhahhah..
but we did'nt stay long,,
Aizuddin's lil bro misses him,,
my dad came and took us home..

since Azu was really tired,,
i insisted he stayed for the night at my house,,
he did and went home the next day..
i did'nt see any either Azu or Aizuddin for a few days,,
Aizuddin went back to KL as his cuti was short..

i've planned and told my mum that i wanted to go to Azu's house probably a million times now,,
but things always get in the way,, haiz..
i just hope i get to spend some more time with my best buddy before i go back to kuantan.. :'D
haiz,, why did'nt the 3 of us study at the same place..?!
it'd be easier for us to hang..!! haiz.. :P

me the birthday boy.. :P

p/s: i'm a year older now,, but does that means i'm more mature..? i don't know.. what i'm sure about is,, even when you think you're all alone,, and no one seems to understand you,, true friends will always be there when you need them,, Azuhairi my big bro,, Aizuddin my twin,, thanks,, u guys really are the best :')..

p/p/s: i almost forgot.. to my friends at UiTM Kuantan whom sang the birthday song in our room at midnight that night,, arif, qutaibah, raza, zeeq, acap, saha, bada, salihin,, errr,, errr,, errr,, soey aq xegt sme..!! huhh.. THANKS..!! kowg mmg kwn yg sgt baek..!! ^^

Thursday, 22 December 2011


the morning of my birthday,,
and i'm alone again..
(errrkkk,, mmg aq ske kne tinggal ssowg..)

anyway,, i'll post some more updates on how my day went,,

. . .

p/s: a good friend sticks with u even when they have other better places to go to..

Sunday, 18 December 2011


behind this innocent smile of mine,, lay words left unsaid..
words of longing,, love,, anger,, and hate,, all repeated inside my head..

i really don't get it.. one day you're with the most unbelievable people you'll ever meet..
then one day you're like,, 
" heck who are you doe..?! " 
" do i even know you..?! "


i'm human,,
this means that I AM CAPABLE OF FEELING..
and now i'm full of heck,, that my head hurts..

i missed her,,
i know i shouldn't,,
but,, haiz~
if you only knew how i feel right now..
i wish you could read my mind,,
coz i can't never tell you how fu*ked up i am right now..

" in another life,,
you would be my girl,,
we'll keep all our promises,,
be us against the world "


i've been quite different these past few days,,
i have my own reasons,,
they might not be rational,, but they are still my reasons..

i am physically tired,, mentally drained,, spiritually spent..
all because i'm " too good "..
i'm human,, not a robot,, nor a tool,,
i have my own thoughts and feelings,,
it's time i excercise them..
i've had enough,, things gotta change,,
ive gotta change,, regardless..

because even you're different now..
you don't need me,,
you've got them..
i don't wanna be just another disposable option,, 
i'm not a rebound guy,, 

call me jealous,,
try being me,,
see how you like it..


physically i'm still here,,
but spiritually and mentally i'm actually 333km away,,
i'm so psyched to go back to jb,,

p/s: you really don't know what you've got until its gone..

Saturday, 17 December 2011


black + white = cute baby panda !! ^^

black and white.. (i know,, i've repeated that 3times..! :P)
they're the colours for a cute panda..! :P.. 
i know penguins are black and white too,, but admit it,, baby pandas are the way cuter..!! :P
black and white resembles balance,, black often being bad,, and white being good..
hahahh,, red herring..! 
(it means,, cm xde function pown aq cyte mnde ny,, xde kne mngene ngn mnde yg at bwh ny.. :P..)

hahahh.. :P
the good stuffs.. :)..
so today the students of UiTM Kuantan had a photoshoot (eceyyyyyhhh.. :P)..
hahahh,, it was an awesome picture day la so to say.. :P.. 
everyone was looking their best today,,
our group adorned the official colours of lawrians everywhere,, black and white,, proudly..
everyone of us ''Cheesy Wedges'' (our group) were "HOTSTUFFS" for a day,,
the girls might i say were all GORGEOUS..!!
the boys i should say were all HANDSOME..!! 
our other friends were STUNNING too.. :)
hehehh.. :)..
so these are some snaps i managed to get hold of.. :)..

Aifa,, Scha,, Farah Aini,, Sabrina,, Jeremy,, Salihin
Sarah Khalil,, Farah Aini
Scha,, Aifa,, Atikah,, Sarah Khalil,, Farhanah Hashim,, Juwairiah

Juwairiah,, Scha,, Farhanah Hashim,, Farah Aini,,  Sarah  Khalil

Sarah Khalil,, Farah Aini,, Scha,, Aifa,, Jeremy

Scha,, Jojo

Scha,, Aifa,, Farah Aini

Syikin,, Sarah Khalil

Sarah Khalil

Farhanah Hashim,, Aifa,, Scha,, Sayeedah Syahirah

Farhanah Hashim,, Aifa,, Scha,, Sayeedah Syahirah

me,, Scha,, Aifa

me,, Aifa,, Scha

me,, the geek.. :P

these are just some of the pictures of just some of my friendly friends here in UiTM Kuantan,, there are actually tonnes of other pictures,, but they'll be uploaded on fb by the jpk(s).. :)..

p/s: pictures,, they're one of the best ways to capture memories.. this is our last sem learning together in UiTM Kuantan,, come March next year,, we'll be off on our own directions,, huhh.. 
we're awesome,,? 
errrr,, well,, tell us sumthing we don't know please.. :P..

Friday, 16 December 2011


i'm scared,, :'(
first of all i admit i am a scaredy cat
nobody's perfect,, fear is inevitable,, therfore everyone has things that makes them tick.. 
as for me,, i am virtually scared of everything.. that's what people say.. 
but i admit it,, i am scared of mostly anything.. 
one time there was a cricket in my room,, my bestie Azu picked it up bringing it closer to me,, teasing me,, with all my might  i swipe the insect off his hand,, Azu's hand hurt that night.. 
that was kinda stupid knowing that u have all that strength but still you're afraid of a puny cricket,, =,=''..
but there are other rational things that i'm worried, fear, scared about..

broken friendship
friends are like stars in the sky,, u can't always see them but u know they're there..
they're the greatest gift to a lonely soul,, 
a good friend walks into your life when the world dashes through the exit..
what i'm afraid of is loosing a dear friend because of my own stupidity,,
i never ever want to lose any good friend close to me,,
i know i should lighten up,, i tried,, honest,, but sometimes its just that complicated..
i can never live with myself if i loose a friend as a result of my own stupidity..
its hard coz i'm almost stupid almost all of the time.. :p..
my friends,, bear with me..!!

fear of the unknown
fear of the unknown,, i know that's just human nature,, we all deal with it at any point of day,, 
my problem is that i exagerate.. 
sometimes i over think things,, some times that's good,, but with me,, most of the time it's bad,, 
i hate being alone,, i hate being alone in a crowd,, coz at these times my mind wonders into irrational areas.. some times my mood is off,, coz i overthink things.. i hate it,, but i can't help it..
i'm always expecting the worst,, preparing myself for it,, i hate it,, but i'm afraid that it'll be worse if i don't..

the possible end of life
here and now,, people are getting busier, and busier with material life..
they work 24/7 striving for weatlth,,  status,, bragging rights,, whatever.. 
but do we really need those things..? think about it,, can those things save you in the hereafter..?
i'm not as pious as the next guy,, thats why i'm worried,,
i have'nt done enough good deeds,, i know i've tonnes of sin,, am i worthy of the heavens? coz i know i can't bear hell's fire.. :'(.. 
time is all i need,, unfortunately,, time is all that i don't have.. :'(

in the dark
p/s: when your alone,, and in the dark,, suddenly everything akes noises.. =,=''

Thursday, 15 December 2011


have u ever felt like,, 
a misfit,, 
not needed,, 
well i have..

i've been getting those feelings everyday lately,,
nothing i do feels right,,
everything i do makes me feel like heck,,
honestly,, i hate it,,
i can't even concentrate in classes,,
my notes all turned into conteng-conteng,,
i'm distracted..

i know that everyone has their own fair share of problems,,
i know that its best to just let it out,,
i notice that some openly share their problems to friends,,
but publicly exposing problems is'nt me,,
i just can't do that..

i wanna scream my heart out,,
let everything go,, 
i wanna share this with someone,,
but from my point of view,,
i don't really know who would want to hear me out,,
everybody else is busy with their own problems,, 
why the heck would they hear mine,,
that's how i see it..

don't get me wrong,,
i'm not being dramatic,,
there are wonderful souls asking how i was,,
but i had to just answer "i'm totally fine..!" with a fake smile,,
just coz i'ts really hard to explain,,
and i know it'd be really hard for them to understand,,
they're not me..

call me a baby,,
but i just wish someone here would be willing to spend a whole evening with me,,
not necessarily do anything,, 
but just hang,, 
waste time,, 
i think that's what i really need now..

p/s: my best buddy told me that,, being alone makes you stronger.. yeah that,, but the process still hurts..

Monday, 5 December 2011


yesterday i posted about my best friend,,
today i found this on 9gag,, hahahah,,
its kinda sweet,,
so,, just sharing.. :P

p/s: hehh,, yeah,, best friends ease up the pains of life,, even just by a bit,, and they do it just by being there.. :)

Sunday, 4 December 2011


when i was in primary school, i was always bullied by this one kid..
he would bully and make fun of me until i cry.. (yes, i admit i was a cry baby back then.. :P..)
god knows how much i wanna strangle him back then..! hahahahh.. :P..
but sure enough,, after he had his fun,, he'd pujok me back, console me and what not..
stupidly, i would always only stop crying if he pujok me, i would go on crying if anybody else try to pujok me..
(yes,, i admit i was rather dumb back then.. :P..)

but now,,
almost 11 12 or so years,,
he's now my greatest best friend in the whole wide world..!
he is,, jeng,, jeng,, jeng,,

Azuhairi Bin Adnan aka Azu.. :)

he's my bestest buddy ever..!!
people ask me,, "how can you guys be best buddies..? you're like night and day..!"
i hate it when people ask me that,,
i know that he's hot and all that and i'm kinda not,,
but we're best friends just because we are,, is it that hard..? =,='' huhh..

Azu's really great at whatever he does..
he's super talented..!!
he plays the guitar, and sings..!!
u gotta hear him sing..!!
hehehh.. (okayy,, i'm his #1 fan..!) :P

yeah,, if i were to write all the things that he's super at,, this blog would be filled..!! hahahh.. :P..
he's one of a kind i would say..
when i tell my female friends about him,, they would go like "omg..! why is he so sweet..?!" hahahh.. meanwhile azu would say,, "errrk,, tell them we're gay,, i'm sure they'll stop.. hahahhh..!!" he's that funny huhh..!! :P.. one other thing is that, he is really fond of his girl friend.. :)..

my life would really sucked without him..
i'd be really f**ked up without him..
you see,, he'd know that i have problems without me having to tell them to him hehehh.. :P.. it's like telepathy.. hehh.. :P.. he'd always know how to cheer me up.. :)
i dont know how my life would turn out without him.. he'd advice me alot about how to live life.. he kinda takes good care of me in a way,, my family is his family,, and his family is my family.. he's like a big brother.. tetttt.. he is my big brother..! right bro..? hehh :')

bro, this pic of u is super..! :D

p/s: don't get me wrong,, but now that we're far apart,, i really do miss him though.. huhh.. but everytime i need him he'd be there for me, and i'd always be there for him.. :).. this friendship / brotherhood will never end as long as we both shall live.. waaaa.. hahahhh.. (sorry, but you're not jealous are you..? hahahh.. kidding.. :P)

Thursday, 1 December 2011


December's here..!!
hehehh.. December's my favorite month..!!
because,, its the month which i was born in..!!
hehehh.. :P

there's quite a lot of stuffs that happened in Nov,,
for instance,, the ''hauntings'' in my new room and what not..
hahahahahh.. :P..
as long as it no longer bothers me,, i'm cool..

well,, lemme share something..
this guy is my new roomate..
he's "Arif..", or "Mok..", or even "Hotstuff.." hahahhh.. 
he's kinda super nice, but in a way always bullies me.. =,='' hahahhh.. kidding.. :P.. 
he's actually a great guy.. :).. 
we do have a lot i common, we do have the same background, problems and all that,, 
he's one of my closest friends here.. :).. 
kinda a lot like a big brother.. :P..
he knows me well enough  i think.. hahahahahh.. :P..

thoughts for my buddy here is that,,
i hope you would want to share your problems, thoughts or maybe just random stuffs,,
i wanna do things roomies would do,,
i'm stupid, i know, i can be.. huhh..
but i just want to live a great student life here and create memories that i'll tell my grandkids about..
i'm sorry if i'm annoying,,
i'm sorry if im obnoxious,,
i'm sorry if i'm childish,,
thats just me trying to cheer things up.. :P
i'll help you with anything i can,,
and i hope that you'll help me grow as a person.. :)

buddy,, i got your back.. :)

p/s: my friends are my life,, bestfriends..?? i got 7 of them..!! well,, thats in the next entry.. :P.. may December brings good luck for me.. :)..

Thursday, 24 November 2011

i was never ever good at voicing out anything on my own.. 
so, this is how i really feel at this point in time..

p/s: . . . . . =,=''

Monday, 21 November 2011


Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets..
So love the people who treat you right,,
forget about the ones who don't,,
and believe that everything happens for a reason..
If you get a chance, take it..
If it changes your life, let it..
Nobody said it would be easy,,
they just promised it would be worth it..


I know that this piece of art has inspired lots and lots of people like it has inspired me..
I'm just sharing this in hope to inspire more of those hearts of the arts..
Credits to JellyVampire !!

Saturday, 19 November 2011


by tomorrow at midnight da one and a half month of UiTM's sem break will be officially over,,
nk tnye ea,, wat did u guys do during ur hollidays..?
go here n there..? mkn  angen smpy kembong..? holiday ngn fam..? waaaa... bezt..! :P
me..? at 1st nash nk gk ckp, "aq hibernate je sbulan stengah.. =,=.. " hehh..
p dats rily not da case..!!

plannye mmule nk je  stay at uma tdow je spnjg hari, evryday until sem break's over.. huhh..
p afta a week at uma snoring my head off literally, mata jd penat asyek tdow je mmnjg, to da extend dat i unintentionally woke up at 7am evy morning, then xtao langsong nk wtpe.. =,=''.. :P..

"go help dat at his company's carwash, kje xpnt, ad ps2, wifi, n astro..!" my mum said..
waaaa,,, dgr pown bez la kann..?
so on da 10th at of october at 10am, saye, Mohamed Nasharuddin Iskandar Shah pergi la ke '96 Car Care Saloon' yg teletak di Bukit Indah..
well, i did'nt go there alone though,, (mmg xla kann aq nk g ssowg) :P..
my buddy went along,, this dude ryte here,, Muhd Harith Bin Arbahi.. hehh..

seems gay huhh..? but believe me he's not.. hahahh, sorry buddy.. gurao je la dekk.. :P

actually ktowg smpy kol 9am, but round 10 bwu kdai tu bukak,
so we both jd pak guard la for dat whole hour.. hahahhh.. :P..
then my dad introduced us to da boss, and da boss intro us to our supervisor..
this guy ryte here..

Aizat a.k.a 'Lat'

da guy's name isAizat, but 4 sum reason he goes by 'Lat' instead..
wen he 1st walked in i tot, ''gr8..! cnne aq nk communicate ngn mamat cina ny..?! =,=''
turns out he was malay, org negri 9.. hahahahh,,
da 1st day was unusual 4 me sbb,
pernah pulak la kann this lil' boy named Mohamed Nasharuddin Iskandar Shah work..!
yes, i've never worked a day in my life till now (10th oct)..! :P..
boleh kate cm hell la gk dat 1st day,
''ny paleng siket la ny, belom rase ag lao krete bnyk..'' Lat said,,
n i was like.. "!@#$%^&*..???!".. =,=''
then da nex day Harith quit,, hahahah.. turns out wen we 1st came, he did'nt noe dat da job was a carwash.. hahahh.. my bad.. :P..
mmule ad 3 owg je kje, Lat, Harith, n myself..
sbb Harith quit, tggl 2 owg je la.. mmg penat, xpyh cyte r..
p agak bez r kje personally, being dat it was my 1st job n all..
yg beznye, bos ckp at my dad yg i'm a great employee, less talk n more work.. hahah.. :P..
then, lat said dat he liked me working with him, senang je,
n i was like, bangge skjp.. :P..
then msok 1month kje at ctu, dpt gaji n guess wat..?
gaji short.. =,=''.. so i quit da next day.. :P..
a day afte i quit, Lat quit gak, xthn kje kne mrh je ngn bos yg cm ape tu agknye.. hahahh..
so working tot me dat, i can't be too nice..! t jd pushover.. huhh..

i've planned to go n visit my twin, merangkap bestie, feat sahabat rapat smpy akher hayat at UM,, hehh..
n on da 4th nov at 8am, me n my best friend aka big bro nek bus heading to KL..
so in short, iwent to kl with this guy,,

Azuhairi Bin Adnan

to meet this guy.. :)

Mohd Aizuddin Bin Aziz

otw nk g jumpe our bro tu, agk confusing gk,,
ad gk sesat, SIKET je tp.. hehh.. 
otw, Azuhairi n i talk bout this n dat, btw tnx 4 da chat n all dealing with my problems..
"let ur heart be as strong as a spartan soldier.." i'll oways rmmber dat bro.. :)
tyme at kl sentral tu Aizuddin kononnye nk surprise ktowg by sneaking up on us, 
p spoilt coz ktowg sesat ag nk cari jln kua, my bad,, hehhh...
p jd r gak.. :).. dat day i met my twin afta omost 10monts xjumpe..! huhh.. :'P..
dat nyte ktowg jjln ksane kmari, nk snap pics of dat momentus day,,
but da camera yg ktowg bwk betrynye flat.. :P.. ad la pics siket, p at phone Aizuddin.. hehh.. :P..
nk balek pulak guess wat,,
ktowg ttgl bus..! on da day b4 aidiladha..! hahahh.. :P..
nseb baek ad Aizuddin yg settlekann.. hehhh.. :P..
dat was dat.. 

on 6th nov, i went out with my old long lost tuittion fwen,,
this lovely girl,, Anis Farhanah.. :D..

Anis.. :)

i came late (traffic), :P..
ktowg set to meet up at tmpt wyg,
she came with her other fwen, bdk uitm gkk..
tyme i 1st saw her tu, i was like "awwwwwwwwwww..."
she was so nicely dressed, 
gaye muslimah,
she was just like an angel (okehh enuff bragg.. :P..)
sejuk mate mmndg.. hehh..
so we went to mcd (my treat.. :P).. mkn2
then watched a movie, 'Tower Heist'..
walaoweyy,, lawak kowt..!! hahahh.. :P
but all good tings must come to n end..
i got a call saying i ave to go home, mum n dad ajak balek kg..
bummer.. huhh.. :P.. 
so dat was it,,
she text me ryte afta i reachd home, 
stupid ting was, i lack the ability to speak tyme kua ngn Anis tu.. =,=''
da nex day i realize,, "i 4got,, anis payed 4 my movie ticket..!?.."
wat malu la seyyy...!!! :P.. haiz..
but if i can, i wanna go out with her again.. :P..

a few days afta dat xbnyk sgt function,,
then my twin, Aizuddin plan nk g Kota Tinggi, da waterfall..
both of us were so exited..!
till i cant sleep dat nyte.. :P..
on da 12th nov at 8am, kytowg grak g Kota Tinggi, Aizuddin drive..
this guy ekowt gk.. my best friend, Khairul Izwan.. :)

Wan.. kekasih gelap aq..? NOT..! hahahahah..  XP..

this guy pown ad.. Ilham.. :)

smart..! XD..
his dad lend us da car dat aiz drove.. :).. tnx Ilham's dad..!

sure some of us sarapan xajak pg tu, (hahahah.. Am..!) .. :P
sure pns gyle otw tu,
sure some of us fell n hurt ourselves tyme at waterfall tu,
but all in all we had really really great fun tyme at waterfall tu,
byle la agknye ley wt cmtu ag ann,,
slack cme Azuhairi je xde coz de ad camp, (de pengakap kelana btw.. :)..)
nex tyme we must do dat again, with evyone there..! :P..
afta dat ktowg g mkn mcd then g tgok wyg,,
cyte "Immortals".. whoa..!! SYIOK gyle..!! hahahah... :P..

KAMI..! :P

in going with da guys to da waterfall tu, i missed out going out with my old fwen Shera Rozi..!
this lil' makcik..!

Shera vogue..! :D

Shera went out with a few of our old fwens dat day,, nk gk ekowt, but i made plans ngn Aizuddin dlu kann,, nk wt cnne, p mb nex tyme ye bdk kcik..?!! :D..

so td pg i had my muet exam..
it was a total blunder..!!!
jwb cnne je tu td..
p saye da berusaha kann, tawakal je la... :)..
esk pg 12th nov 10am da nk nek bus balek kuantan da,,
my not so long forgotten campus awaits me..!!
muahahahahahaaa... *evil laugh...? :P..

dat was my sem break,
its not perfect, 
but its just fine with me,
in fact it was great..!!!
how was urs..?? :)

p/s: hehh,, i'm proud of myself for using this sem break to its optimum level.. :P.. the ony ting i regret is dat,, now my phone is busted.. errrrr,, dear parents,, new phone please.. =,=''

Sunday, 13 November 2011


''if u cud have 1 wish, wat wud it be..?" sumone asked..
''wish for 1000 more wishes la dummy..! hahahhh" dats wat i wud answer..

but that was before i did sumting really stupid..
u c thers this girl i really liked, ''bunny'' as she reminded me alot about dat lil' cute creature..
we've been on and off since we wer 15, though most of da tyme we we're more off than on..
this year i gave myself one last boost of confidence to be her bf again, n afta  da 5th tyme, she agreed..

sumting i got her wen i was away.. :)

she gave me one last chance i thougt to myself, gotta make this ryte..
things went on fine for a while until, evryting made way south for me..
i was stressed with this n dat n got distracted till i neglect her..
not knowing dat she was part of the solution, not problem..
"b wt org cm xwujud je..." that was her exact words..

still, i acted as if she wud understand my situation, i wanted her to..
but i didnt even atleast try to understand her..
she gave me her heart, i took it, i kept it in a box, n left it on da shelf..
with a stupid thought dat she'll only be mine.. 
she was..
but only for so long..

i was good on paper, but not wen it comes to saying things on my mind,
with bad words, out came da stupidest thing i've ever said,
that was it, she was patient but had enuff,
2 weeks after we were discretely but officially a couple,
we we're off again, but this tyme i noe it's for good..

people say dat getting back with ur ex is like reading from an old book again n again,
u oredy noe how it ends..
but i noe it had all been my fault, not hers..

now,, almost 2 months after dat all happend,
i realized i really do love her,
i want her,
i need her,
i miss her,
but she'll never have me back,
she's too hurt to even talk to me again..
well its true wat they say that, u dont noe wat u've got till its gone...

the girl was perfect,,
this boy was really really stupid,,
Maisarah,, im sorry,, i hope u'll be happier now.. 

^- amalina n maisarah -^
p/s: i noe nobody's gonna read this but, i cant believe dat i cried remembering her..