Monday, 24 December 2012

GRAY

BIRTHDAY
So yesterday (23rd Dec) was this little idiot's birthday. Happy Birthday to Me I guess. Lil sissy got me a bracelet, black with a star on it, well she didn't exactly got it for me, I took it from her. Hehehh :P Not that I'm complaining or anything, but yeah just like all those past years, the birthday this year was a pretty lonely one. Hahahh. But with a new twist. This year it felt kinda worst, but I haven't the slightest idea why I felt that way. One would be used to it by now huhh.

I might regret saying this later on but, with all those people saying happy birthday and telling me how good I've been the past year and such, somehow it just made me feel, i don't know, off? I mean something just doesn't feel right, even when things seemed fine. Its just felt weird somehow, I don't know how to explain it.  To me among all 365 days in a year, the birthday is one depressing day, more than usual. Maybe because for most people birthdays were supposed to make you feel special, but instead, to me it just adds to my depression coz I don't. I don't know, maybe its coz I expected it to be different this year, but instead it didn't? But yeah, this is just a random thought I have, nobody should feel bad about it. 

MISFIT
Lately I haven't been talking to people much. Been skipping some classes of the final couple of weeks. Haven't been studying enough as well. A friend got offended with what I said in a joking manner. Another good friend was really disappointed in me too, I know it from the tone of his voice, even when he said it wasn't a big deal. These things got me thinking. Hard. Even when I'm socially silent to begin with, I should just shut up, and keep my thoughts to myself. It saves me from a whole lot of trouble. 

People say that I have lots of friends. That I hang with different groups of peoples. That I have somewhat of an easy life. Well what people don't know is that, my life isn't that great and most of the times I don't think I fit in anywhere, not even with the misfits. It only seemed like I have a large circle of friends and an easy life coz, I jump from one clique to another to fill my time and I don't really tell people certain things bout my life. Might seemed simple and easy, but its really lonely. Sometimes I find it to be a bliss that nobody really knows much about me, but most of the times I just curse myself for being so stupid coz its really hard being empty.

RANDOM
I was supposed to talk about a few more stuffs, then I got engrossed in these owl griffin thingy, and then I for got what I was gonna talk about next, so yeah till then.

 Don't do anything stupid, you're being watched.



Friday, 21 December 2012

21 / 12 / 2012

Rumor has it that one of the following events would happen.
a) Tremendous Fire.
b) New Ice Age.
c) Zombies Apocalypse.
d) Comet hitting Earth.
e) Tsunami.
f) Sun's gravity pulling Earth in to the Sun .
g) A Worm hole devours Earth.

They say that the world ends today.
I admit, there have been times when a tiny part of me subliminally believed is such a prophecy.
Believed that we're all gonna die through such grim catastrophe.
Believed that the said future was inevitable.
But, i was only coz the mind have been fed with such bullshit again and again and again, that somehow the said future they depicted to happen imprinted our thoughts subconsciously.

They say that the world ends today.
But maybe,
Just maybe,
Maybe they forgot that its already tomorrow on the opposite part of the world?




Tuesday, 11 December 2012

SOMETHING



And so it came to be
this isolation that I am
I can only look to me
to find the way it all began -
this confusion, constant
hunger for something more than this
I strive to find this being
that I envision, yet seem to miss.
Could it be that I am empty-
or maybe a little lost?
Could it be that I am lonely,
or seek happiness at any cost?
This never-ending Something
that I am living deep inside,
depicts the illusion of myself
and all I have to hide.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

RANDOM RANTINGS OF AN IDIOT

Have you ever had important things to do then putting it off coz not doing things seemed like the best thing to do when as a matter of fact by you not doing things at that time would result you in having a whole lot of things to do later, and in the end those things that you had to do that you didn't do would just come back from the dead, fuck you up and just land you in deep shit, leaving you going,


I have this habit of misplacing things, thoughts, notes, people, MONEY! Idk la, but yeah, its liddis, say my mum banked in let say RM100 today, tomorrow I'd be left with +/- RM 50! I don't have the slightest of ideas what I did with that money! Serious shit I think I have compulsive spending disorder. That or some kind of immature toyol going about. If this continues Imma die! Sure imma get married, have kids, grandkids, only then imma grow old and die. Die without ever knowing what I did with me money! Haiz. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. And yes, one more thing, the guys all got their PTPTN money already. All of them, except for me. I called PTPTN, and the lady said it'd be there within 2 weeks, but it has been 15 days da! What fuckery is this? I want to shopping-shopping with me friends too y'know ("=3=). Guess they know I have problems with spending and purposely doing this for my own good. Haiz. Good guy PTPTN, why you so good? ("=3=).


Up, down and all around, people are talking bout either partners/couples, love, or marriage. Yes MARRIAGE. People tying the hypothetical non-existing knot. It made me think, contemplate about my oh so pathetic life. I really don't want to end up being the old guy living with 50 cats in a house and having my friends children or grandchildren calling me "uncle" even though we're not related and play with my pedigree cats worth millions tu. Haiz. Kennot la liddat. ("=3=). I must learn how to make people love me. I must!


p/s: Dear stranger I like, I'm not a creepy stalker dude, I'm just a guy who's kinda secretly admiring you :3

Saturday, 29 September 2012

DEAR STRANGER


Someone tell me why it's all so complex,
Can I make you love me with a charm or hex?
You're too big to notice little old me,
It's like finding an ant from the top of a tree,

Look at you, that bright shining form,
You were looking at me, I could've sworn,
Why's there no peace? I can't go to sleep,
I want you so bad, my soul could weep,
About once a week, I catch a glimpse of your smile,
I guess that's what makes it all worth while,

Dear stranger I love, why isn't it true?
Why can't you love me like I love you?
Why don't we hold hands? Why don't we pass notes?
Why can't you insist that I wear all your coats?
Why can't I have the courage to say,
"I'm indefinitely in love, let's get married today"?

I am a stalker as I watch you in the halls,
You've got me falling the fall of all falls,
If you only loved me, If it were true,
If you only loved me just like I love you,

My friends say I should tell you my name,
Really I'd faint if I played that game,
You know what? You should read my mind,
That'd be the kind thing to do, Why can't you be kind?
Dear stranger I love, why can't it be true?
Why don't you love me just like love you?

Wednesday, 19 September 2012

19 OH 19


So hellewwwwww (gedik gila I know, bear with me). 19 September 2012. My best buddy, Azuhairi, bestest best buddy out of all the bestest best buddies in le whole multiverse of le constellation of narcissistic worlds!! (does this even make sense? whatever :P) Y'know whats better than a buddy turning 19?? Me forgetting all about it!! (= =). Idiot best friend is idiot. LOL. So this is how I was actually reminded of le buddy's birthday.

* * * * *

*Azu called*
Azu: Hey.
Me: Ssupp niggah? *just woke up from a power nap* :P
Azu: You forgot to wish me.
Me: Oh today was your final paper right? Congrats on your final paper!!
Azu: No idiot today is,,
Me: What day is it today? *asks friends for the date*
Azu: It's my birthday you incompetent lil narcissistic idiot  (= =)
Me: WHOAH!! *then it hit me*
(it went pretty much liddat) :P
* * * * *

From all the years of me and Azu being best friends I've never EVER forgotten his birthday. IDK how I could forget about that this year. *gasp* I've changed completely for worst! Imma die, die, DIE! Burn, burn, BURN in hell! (= =). lol cutting all the crap. This is my happy birthday speech to you best friend :} 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AZU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
^^
(I'm sho shweet. I know)


LOL. Remember these times when:

  1. We were lil, YOU ALWAYS BULLY ME, like ALWAYS. (well not really always) Most of the times, when I do get bullied, and cried, the only one who could cheer me up and make me stop crying was you (but of course you were the one who made me cry in the first place) XP. 
  2. You beat me up in primary 3, just coz you thought I was messing with your gelprennn? (which I didnt! please la I've been a loser at love since forever kowt.) and plus Nadia wasn't my type pun :P
  3. In form1, I got slapped a few times by my dad, yes you laughed like hell that time but still answer and covered up for me when everyone else asked :P
  4. Later the same year in form1 you knocked my head really, REALLY HARD just coz I kinda cheat at some stupid game. It hurt like hell ok!
So I've known you since tadika, we were not in the same kindergarten but ride on the same bus, I remember you always making fun of me for wearing shorts instead of trousers and a songkok like you to tadika, pfftt big deal, hahahh. And now you're 19 going on 90 LOL. Sorry I can't be there celebrating with you, but yeah, I'll always be there close to heart (Ultra gayyyyyyyyyyyy) We're even gonna share the same wedding, pelamin, kenduri and all nanti kan? just not our wives XP So yeah banyak masa lagi for us to spend together :}

Stopping all this garbage talk now,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND! :)








Tuesday, 11 September 2012

THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE

So hello again you, i'm-not-sure-if-you-exist readers! Y'know what? Shah Alam is freaking HOT!! Like seriously, these other guys sleep on the floor at night coz the beds are too hot. Well, people might say that it's because there's too many hotstuffs here thats why, and i'd like to believe that point. :P LOL Cutting the crap (with a butter knife), lately my writings have been really really really uninteresting :P sorry for that. :P

So starting from yesterday morning, I am officially a law student (like heck yeah baby!!) :P But y'know what? Being in UiTM's Faculty of Law (cewaaahhh gah gila kan nama fac dia? :P) is kinda intimidating. Why? Well, for starters, yesterday during the briefing of the program, the moment we walked into the auditorium, i felt like i was seeing,, SHARKS!

LOL. People often depict lawyers as "law sharks", NO, its not for the fact that they are in some way cold blooded, ferocious, cruel, blood-sucking, money-draining punks or anything, coz i'm pretty sure they're nice, really really nice people! Its just that the way they are dressed in black and white, with high end accent, pure confidence, goal driven eyes and sheer will, they give off this kinda "swag" (if you might say) that made me fill like i'm just a lil bug eyed fish in a big sea that's about to be half eaten and be left to die in dire pain on the back of a green sea turtle! LOL :P. I know, I know, shallow idiot is shallow :P But yeah that's how i felt.

Which brings us to today. Today was the first day of lectures, (not that there was any real lectures today), but we did go to our classes today meeting some familiar and new face. There were brunettes (no blonds from what I see :P), free haired cuties, covered (tudung) lovelies, braces, glasses fair skinned, tanned, tall short, big and small. I think apart from me, everybody else seemed fairly normal :) The only thing that got me a bit down was the fact that i've been assigned to a group of people that probably has twice if not trice the amount of IQs that i would ever have! That made me go all like "Thank you! I shall now feel awfully stupid for the rest of the semester!" ("- -). Again, shallow idiot is shallow. 



Anyways, one of the nice nice nice lecturer jokingly said that a lawyer's job was to disagree and argue always, talk, talk, and oh yeah, talk! :P Being the devil's advocate questioning and arguing facts, was our purpose, so if you wanna be a good person you should not be a lawyer, said another. The fact that i'm continuing in this field means imma badass! XP "The Devil's Advocate". Yeah, the first time I heard that phrase, I thought that "Yeah, so i'm already far from God, now what? I should behead chickens, drink thick blood through a sippy cup, and buy a badass goat for a badass pet now??" LOL Can't believe I was that stupid then :P I'm still an idiot now, but not by much XP I'm working on it ok.


The road to be a competently successful lawyer is not easy, one does not simply go to law school one day and get a law degree the next. There are literally tonnes of stuffs to be learned, experiences to be gained, and people to meet. But yeah, I'm glad and proud of myself and all the fellow colleague have made it here, though not in the same group (YEAH ME SOOOOO JELLYYYYYYYY OF THOSE WITH LOTS OF FAMILIAR FACES IN A CLASS) but lets do our best here! :D And to all those haters in primary school that used to bully and tease me and talk bad about me, calling me "maggi" and all, well, you guys can observe my greatness, jump into an empty pool, drool, drool, drool, and drown! (sentap kau jahhhhh :P)  LOL Its ok la, forgot all about you now (really whoever you were, have a great life!) :D Just pray for our success and we're even (not really) :P

Hehehh all this anger and vengeance is sangat tidak bagus untuk kesihatan. LOL. So to whoever it may concern, I'M SORRY. My sincerest apolagies goes out to you for anything bad I did. SORRY (Y)













p's: As a token of my apologies, here are some pictures that could make you go "Awwwwhhhhhhh" (Y)






Thursday, 6 September 2012

I AM GOOD AT..


Hello all you I'm-not-sure-if-you-exist-readers! *wipes off thick dust* Been quite a while since there was any real entries kann? Hahahh. Yeah, been rather worked up with life and all, I do have a life worth living surprisingly. So hadek-hadek semua, the topic today would be "I am good at.."

Sure, different people have different abilities. Some people may be good at singing, some at painting, some at  marathon running or something. Others like my buddy Aizuddin here seems to be good at anything and everything until its kinda frustrating to keep up with. Hahahh. Well what are you i'm-not-sure-if-you-exist-readers good at? Care to share? *bajet* Hahahh. Yeah, again, different people, different abilities, all with the exception of me.



This little idiot seems to be good at practically nothing at all. Pathetic lil waste of space. (= ="). From martial arts, to fine arts, from mind games to extreme activities I've tried them all, and might I say, I sucked at each and everyone of them. I have a red belt at teakwondo, but I've only one bronze medal after 7years. I have tonnes of sketch books, all filled with half done crap. I once do marches, but will collapse at the 2nd hour mark. I'll go camping, but never without an insect repellent. I can't even see where I'll be in 10 years. Haiz.

Gosh lately things have sucked even more!! (= ="). I dunno, maybe all the souls of those dead frogs i burn, the dead fishes i drowned, and those rats I fed to my cats are finally getting their revenge on me. Nothing i do will turn out right. I never seem to stop doing stupid things, I'm outta control. Like seriously, just today i failed something outta my own stupidity, even with me reading this like 864345678854 times, I still missed a thing and failed like ffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! I just hate myself. Really don't know what's gotten over me though. Haiz.

"Think positive things, and you'll give birth to happy molecules"
-Deepak Chopra, MD

I know, i know, thinking so badly of myself just makes things worst, but shit I can never win! Grrrrr. (= ="). I wonder, do any of you I'm-not-sure-if-you-exist-readers know any good shamans, bomohs, or dukuns or something? Coz, really, one of these days, I might just have to mandi bunga or something hahahh :P Maybe, just maybe, I'll call for an exorcist too to rid me of all this bad luck *i know, i know, choiiiii* But what can I do. What if it's really the ghost of some weeping widow that's haunting me, giving me all this bad luck, who knows kan? (= ="). 

p/s: Jinxed. Jinxed. Jinxed. (ToT). Loser. (= =")

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

GIVE UP



If i could paint a picture so perfectly, i wouldn't have to write it all in a thousand different ways just to get to the point of how i am feeling. I lost count of the times i gave myself in just to hope i could get a little bit more from love . So i decided to take a step back and review on the failing attempts. I reckon expectations really do play a part and by having this invisible benchmark does not leave you any more invincible than you think you are, in fact, it just makes everything worse because nothing seems too impressive anymore. I tried to amend certain things but it just seemed too radical altogether and i find myself stuck in a bottomless pit hole. Admist the discomfort of it all, i remained dubious in that cuddled stupor, refusing to budge nor improvise on my plans to free myself from such displeasure. I am talking about giving up. Giving up on trying to always make things right yet ending up feeling like a total piece of shit.

. . .


Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

Vincent - Don McLean

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

. . .

Times like these i just wish someone would sit next to me, with their arms around my shoulder, not say a word, and just be there while i cry my heart out all through the night.

Maybe that's all i need for now, to cry.


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Monday, 11 June 2012

ORIENTATION WEEK

Me + A Bunch Of Kiddies Younger Than Me + Guiding = ???

So yeah, never have i imagined myself to be in that situation. Firstly because in guiding people through anything, the guide has to know everything that is related to the matter at hand like the back of his hand right? And yeah its really unlikely for me to be guiding people, or a bunch of eager hearted kiddies throughout their freshie days on campus at this, as most of the times this little idiot is lost too o.O" And secondly, it involves talking to strangers, which is kinda a big "No-No-Maybe?" for me, coz yeah "Stranger-Danger" you oblivious dimwit. hahahh :P

But yeah, for some strange reasons that only the complex extended diorama of the multiverse can comprehend, this little idiot grabbed the very chance he gets to become an OC or formally known as UiTM's Pembimbing Minggu Destini Siswa (PMDS) for the juniors' orientation week. hahahh. Talk about taking the bull by the horns huhh? :P. Well, thank god nobody died when i was an OC, or else, that would really be a big "oopsie daisy". But yeah, all is well, every life was kept on living, nobody died, but yeah some of them did have a bad case of diarrhea (for all you science dummie, it means that they had troubles with wanting to poop a whole lot :P), but it wasn't my fault ok? XP

Orientation week was fun, especially if you're part of the Special Tasks Bureau (biro tugas-tugas khas). It was fun working and fooling around with those OCs from Jengka, the we're really nice actually. Well for the most part this little idiot just mostly fooled around and slept a whole lot when the others worked :P but yeah everything was great. I got to help the juniors by with all their MDS problems just by being a staring statue (i admit, didnt do much to help :P). Don't really know why i have to call them "juniors" though, coz technically we're about the same age kann? :P. But yeah, an OC has power over those "junior", so yeah, treat me with tender, love and care my subjects! XD.

The juniors i've met so far, was awesome just to say the least. Colourfull backgrounds, different personas, all with interesting stories to tell. A SHOUT OUT GOES OUT TO ALL YOU CUTE JOHOREAN JUNIORS! XD Coz they really are just that cute (the ones i've met la, ramai je lg yg cute2 hotstuff2 :P). I really do see awesomeness budding from the hearts of these young kiddies. Its either that, or scandals that i see growing between the siswas and siswis of UiTM Kuantan. Which we OC admit, you guys are really quick at positioning yourselves for love! hahahh. Nonetheless, just be happy, but dont ever forget your studies ok hadek-hadek? XP. If there's any juniors reading this, feel free to ask me anything relating to life in Kuantan, i may not know much, but i know enough :)

So yeah, now, at this very minute, i'm sitting at a table outside McDonalds, starving. hehehh. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AWESOME KUANTAN ASASIANS! :D WISHING ALL THE AWESOMENESS FOR YOU GUYS! :D

OC's TTK Family :D
Awesome Kuantan OCs
The Roomates
OCs at work XD


STAR-CROSSED


believed to be born of love potion number nine,
convinced was a soul of love's illusive design,
numbed from feeling something so divine,
the thing he searched for never will he find,

along came another with something so new,
something thought born only by a witch's brew,
though yet to be sure of a feeling so strong, 
the first thought it'd be nothing to naively play along.

atop an antique ship their morning was spent,
to an ancient window as the evening went,
as the sun dimmed its youthful glow,
what was hidden in both hearts both did show.

in eerie silence the two souls stood,
sharing things like old friends would,
the feelings behind every smile and wink.
was better than any fancy words dabbed in ink.

though high hills the two did ascend,
their time together did come to an end,
as each part to their own individual trip,
one gave the other the tightest grip.

miles apart where they lay their scene,
forever will they remember where their heart's been,
star-crossed in distance, in heat, and in cold,
they'll always have each other to have and to hold.

teddy bear :3


Friday, 8 June 2012

EXPRESSIONS

never really been good at expressing shits, so yeah, lets try this.

video

tried expressing this aching mood into words, but alas words failed me time and time again.

IMY.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

A NOTE

. . .

i am alone
i am oblivious
i am out of Coke
i am delusional
i am annoyed
i am dazed
i am paranoid

i am afraid
i am not amused
i am alone
I just wanna be with a friend
and be happy
. . .
Yeah, as i've mentioned before, blogging is like a therapy for me. I strarted feeling really down at first but updating this post with random L Lawliet's pics kinda soothes the tension in my head :3

Having lots of things in common (perasan) L Lawliet is my favorite character of all! A genius slacker with one helluva sweet tooth, L is  my hero! Everything single brittle bone in his diabetic body, every single thing that he does, every single thing he say, screams out "Awesomeness". Haiz, haters might say he's cold and soulless, but i feel that he's just empty and lonely (pandai-pandai je). But even with loneliness he get by everyday accompanied by all his sugary diabetic sweets.

L is for Loneliness


                   

p/s: these lil L figurines, please can somebody get them for me?! nobody?? meyhh (- -"). the i'll have to buy them on my own. huhh