Thursday, 4 July 2013


Don't try to make me stay
Or ask if I'm okay
I don't have the answer
Don't make me stay the night
Or ask if I'm alright
I don't have the answer.

Heartache doesn't last forever
I'll say I'm fine
Midnight ain't no time for laughing
When you say goodbye.

It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible.

I've tried to ask myself
Should I see someone else?
I wish I knew the answer.

But I know, if I go now, if I leave
Then I'm on my own tonight
I'll never know the answer.

Midnight doesn't last forever
Dark turns to light
Heartache flips my world around
I'm falling down, down, down,
That's why.

I find your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes irresistible

It's in your lips and in your kiss
It's in your touch and your fingertips
And it's in all the things and other things
That make you who you are and your eyes irresistible.

It makes your lips so kissable
And your kiss unmissable
Your fingertips so touchable
And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes,
Your eyes, your eyes, your eyes

I've never quite understand where I stand with you.
"Define" the relation I did.
But still it got me really confuse.
At times I hate how things unfold. 
But I can't deny that I'm in too deep now.
Leaving would hurt so much.
I wish you knew how this felt.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.
What I do know is that you are irresistible.

Saturday, 8 June 2013


Creativity has its own life
Longing to be free
It's something I must do
Though you may never see

Do these words mean I'm crazy?
It may be that I am,
I just let my feelings show,
But control myself, I can.

How should I act around you?
What am I allowed to say?
What is wrong, what is right and what can be shared?
These are the questions that will always stay.

I want to know you,
It's clear for you to see,
You can be my friend,
Are you thinking of me?

Maybe I'm being presumptuous,
Something I need to be told,
Are you just being polite?
Am I being too bold?

I can be your confidant,
Your secret's safe with me,
You'll never have to wonder,
If I'll reveal for all to see.

My age a curse,
Yet equally a blessing,
I may be too young,
But I'll never keep you guessing.

I give everything I have,
Yet never lose control,
I am not unemotional,
I let my feelings roll.

I have listened to what society has taught,
And to these things, everyday I give thought,
Yet we pass this way one time only,
And I don’t want to spend it being lonely.

But it's back to the reality,
Of what it all means,
I'll go back to my world,
And see you in my dreams.

Tuesday, 16 April 2013


So its been quite a while since the last update, guess life overwhelmed me a bit. I forgot I had this lil space to spew out my thoughts. The last few months was OK i guess. Things that happened since the last update; I finally got my driving license (yeay me!), I passed all my subjects for sem 1 in law school and made it to sem 2, I didn't die, and that's the best part. Nothing much, nothing special happened. What a boring life I have.

Ever felt inferior? No?
Me? Every single day.

I fell like the noob in a mmorpg game, where while everyone else is busy leveling themselves up, I'm stuck trying to figure out which button to push. It sucks seeing these other guys getting way way ahead of you, and you know its really your fault for being here and being stupid in the first place. Haiz. summing it up, you can say that for the most parts, things here are just bad. Bad.

  • First of all, I feel bad for this one best friend of mine, for I haven't been the ideal best friend a person of such caliber deserves. I know that this good friend of mine is goin through a bad time, I know he feels bad about a lot of things, things that he knows he cud've shared with me, but instead he didn't. I know he did so coz of me, I'm always not there, always. To an extend one cud've sworn we don't even know each other. We haven't spoken in ages, and now it seems like I lost the one person who'd really listen to what I have say. It sucks that I can do exactly nothing about it. I want my best friend here, now, I want my best friend back. Well yeah, that's,,

  • I feel bad for the people around me, the current friends I have here. Often I find myself blowing off some of them saying "Got lotsa assignments to finish", "Later, have stuff at the bank to solve", or "Can't, have brain surgery to attempt on my cat that I don't have", just so I can go home and sleep. Distancing myself from them all. Not that I don't like the friends I have now, but, I don't know, I just don't feel like mingling now I guess.
  • And then there's this thing about my class. Well its not really the class that is problematic, but actually I am the problem kowt. I can't seem to be connecting with anyone in the class. Sure, we sit in a group, we talk about life, we laugh and gossip about others, but I just can't see a bond stronger than just classmates perhaps. I find myself heading straight home (or to eat and then straight home) after class, and out of the class it's nobody's business what I do with life. I did it to myself, I know that, but yeah, introverts get lonely too y'know. ("=3=). #introverts

  • Oyeah, and for some reason I chose Traditional Dance and Creative club as my co-curricular activity. Why? Good question. I thought it was like Step Up or something, but I was wrong to focus only on the 'creative' part of the club, I was wrong to neglect the 'traditional' part. Coz all we do in the club was study dance, traditional dance, this sem we have to learn Joget and Inang. And I have reasons to believe that I failed both of those dances. And for the final assessment, we have to form groups of 4/5 and choreograph a dance, traditional dance of course. Now I feel like I'm dead weight to the other members of my group (I'm in a group with some kids from the Akademi Pengajian Bahasa, whom I don't really know their names :P) So yeah, dance,,

I feel bad for myself too though. I think I have a medical condition or something, I can't seem to focus on anything nowadays. for example this entry. I have it in my mind that this update will be one that is with deep meaning, thought provoking, and emotional. But it turns out that half way through it turns into a lame, if not stupid, joke. Its a big joke. Can't seem to be serious la in this blog of mine. ("=3=). Maybe that's why I don't have readers. Oh well, till then all you I'm-not-sure-if-you-exist-readers. 

But first, watch this! XD

Wednesday, 9 January 2013


So hey all you pretty people out there. How have you been? I don't know bout you guys, but it seems to me that this little idiot right here SURVIVED APOCALYPSE! Yeah no big deal, just another ordinary day in the life of a socially awkward penguin. (yeah that's not funny nor does it makes any sense) (disregard). In welcoming the new year, I wish all you retards out there a merry new year and many joyous returns (whatever makes sense to you), and may all of you eventually fulfill last year's resolution by the end of this year. 

So by this time next year I'll be turning 20 (though the other dudes and dudettes are already turning the big 20 one after the other). This made me realize that things are gonna change drastically from then on with the 'teen' factor going extinct on me. Among other things, I'll be balding, slowly loosing my beauty, teeth, perfectly toned muscles, and awesomeness. And before I know it, I'd be dead ("- -). (God save us all) Haiz. So here I am, 4 am in the morning, in the midst of all the snores and grunts of the sleeping princes, contemplating life.

(goin off tangent for a bit but) It seems that I have somewhat grown immune to the supernatural factors of life. Ie, no longer am I afraid of ghosts. (Hope I'm not jinxing it here and now, and ruining it forever). I now Hahahh! in the face of Boo~ Boo~ Cool, aren't I? (I know I am) B)

So the other guys (who aren't single) all have their lives ahead of them dead set on stone. They'll be working  on this and that at the age of bla bla. Marrying Miss-what's-her-name by when and where. And have kids by the dozen, (coz apparently it's cheaper they say). Funny how true love brings out the,,, well I don't know what it does actually, probably something super from what I've heard. Lucky them. 

"TRUE LOVE" how truly whimsical that sounds. But from highly altered fairy tales we were thought of only one kind of true love. The prince marrying her princess concept. However in reality, true love is not that easy for most people. As life has a weird habit of digesting the gist of true love in its highly evolved colon and dumping twisted true love shits on people. Here are some issues of "hard-to-brain-true-love".

What would you do if this happened to you? Would you brave through blood, sweat, tears and get stamped with "home wrecker" over your forehead just to be with the one you love? Or would you try and be the better person and leave them be, with the realization that you could never ever have them, just coz you're not the first person to call dibs on them? Or in another case, would you find the will and strength in you to share? Even if you could share, would you stand the possibility of knowing you're only second best?

This one could and have passed as a sci-fi movie some time ago if I'm not mistaken. Well, what if your true love lived in the past, and died before you were even born? Or what if they live in the future where you don't live long enough to get to see it? Or what if the only means of communication is through a one of a kind time travelling mailbox (Yes. A freaking old school mailbox) (and you're handwriting's shitty) then how would you tell them "i love you" with that mess of a handwriting of yours. Impossible.

Yes the conventional tragic tale of the little mermaid. What if they simply don't think of you as exclusive? What if the see you as just another stranger on the sidewalks. Would you drown in a pool of tears? Would you jump into the sea and turn into sea foam. Or would you be proactive, kill cupid and screw his arrows and feed your love nasi kangkang so they'll fall insanely in love with you? How far will you go?

So what if one day, you walk into IKEA and a divine being appear in the corner of your line of sight. You turn, slowly walking towards them, eyes locked, static shocked between the two of you. And as you move in for a hug, a kiss, you find yourself hugging, slobbering over a god damn mirror. What would happen then? Around you already the people are laughing their heads off calling you one narcissistic bastard. What would you do? (honestly i find nothing wrong in you marrying yourself. Really).

Aaaaaahhhhhhh~ Life's a pain really. People who have true love easily, disregards them. People who don't blabber on about being "foreveralone" without doing anything to get themselves out of those agonizing pits of hell on earth. Haiz. Life's hard. Me? I think I've given up on such things for the time being. My true love is nowhere to be found. Searching and not finding anything and getting disappointed well just makes it worst. Nonetheless, at times like these I still have my pens, papers and this god forsaken blog, I'll just draw one  helluva busty  woman (not really my preference on women) and tell you people through this blog that she's my love. AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH #ForeverAlone NOT.