Friday, 29 July 2016

Maybe its a feeling of a lack thereof. Writing anything could be wrong, yet lacking feelings is exactly a state of mind that exists. It's odd because if you have even one word to say about it, you are feeling something. Yet I and many others assure you probably know what I am trying to say without describing it.


"I wanted to write down exactly what I felt,
but somehow the paper stayed empty,
and I could not have described it any better."

Wednesday, 13 July 2016


What are some soul crushing moments you have when you have a crush?
Every moment. Every moment is a damn crushing moment.
Its almost painful to see your crush, because you're so aware of them, but they, they might not even know you exist.

Running into your crush. Usually happens when you don't want it to happen. Maybe its your lazy day, and you just got outta bed, smelling like a turd, or youre just a plain Jane, its usually when you're not at you're best, that's when you run into your crush.
All along you wonder if you should make the first move. But you don't wanna come off as too eager. So first you gotta like work up the courage just to send them a text. And then you wait. And then you just wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Till finally they text you back and that's, that's just great.
Now when you've had a crush for so long. And then you get the chance to hang out with them, and you just feel like you're gonna vomit all over yourself, and you feel like you're not gonna be able to speak human languages, real human sentences, and you just wanna die. Yeah.
During all the times you spent with them, then you worry if you're in the friendzone. Which is difficult one to navigate. All the while you think to yourself, do you want that person to know that you like them? Or do you wanna pretend that you don't like them hoping that they realize that you like them?
Yet the worst thing is waiting for a text from your crush and then your phone buzzes, and you're so excited, your heart's gonna fall outta your butt. But then you look at your phone only to find something like a game update or a text from your mum, or that person who annoys the fcuk outta you.
Done stalking them. Then you just get so frustrated with yourself for not making a move. When every day you have a plan on how you're gonna approach this person, tell them how much you liked them for so long and then, something happens that start to look up for you. They show sides unknown to others to you making you feel things. Things you didn't know you can feel.
Every other times your crush show this new side of them to you, you think to yourself, this is it, its on! And then, stuff just doesn't turn out the way you thought they would.
Now another crushing moment you have is when you see this crush person with someone else. That hurts. That just stinks. But you cant say anything, coz its totally not your business. Then, maybe you're high and you do something stupid, and you just wanna curl up into a ball and die. And you can't stop from replaying that stupid thing you did over, and over, and over, and over in your brain. And you know that you might just changed something. And you start to question everything.
Not wanting to wallow in self pity, you're just gonna be sad for a while, but you need to live life cause' that's what you need to do. Then eventually it'll be fine. Just chill. Being around them isn't awkward or humiliating anymore. It is sad when you just like someone. But it doesn't have to be that way. Crushes suck. But sometimes not so much. Sometimes it can be better than what you've dreamed of? :)